Every Sunday I like to talk about 3 random thoughts that are on my mind.
Usually these thoughts are about business.
Or about life…
But today I’m gonna do a special Valentine’s themed email.
So with that said…
Let’s jump into the first thought on my mind this morning…
1. A warning to all men about Valentine’s day
Many years ago, I held a big grudge against Valentine’s day.
Why?
Cause I thought it was forced.
And commercial.
It feels like a made-up holiday so that greeting card companies and chocolate companies can increase their sales.
And while I’m probably right about this…
That doesn’t mean Valentine’s Day doesn’t matter to the person you’re with.
I learned this lesson the hard way years ago.
The girl I was dating at the time was very into Valentine’s day.
And she was expecting something special from me.
But I had such a disdain for it that we got into a big argument about it.
The result?
She got upset. She said I didn’t care about her. And that I only cared about things that mattered to me.
It wasn’t a fun week.
However I learned my lesson.
No matter what you think of Valentine’s Day…
If you think it’s stupid…
If you think it’s contrived…
If it matters to the person you’re with, then you should make sure it matters to you as well.
Understanding that will make your life a whole lot easier.
Alright let’s get to thought #2 on my mind…
2. When a woman talks to you about a problem she’s having, she usually doesn’t want you to fix it
This is a lesson that took me a long time to learn.
And caused me a lot of frustration when I was younger.
Past girlfriends accused me of not listening to them.
Well the reality was that I was listening to them.
I just was trying to fix the problem for them instead of empathizing with them.
This is one of those things men are not wired for.
Our instinct when someone tells us about a problem is to come up with solutions to fix it.
However when a woman is telling you about a problem she usually does not want solutions.
She just wants you to listen.
And to empathize with her.
The first time I learned this it was mind blowing.
I had been beating my head against the wall for years wondering why me trying to help her fix her problem upset her.
Now I understood it.
So from then on, all I did was listen.
And make her feel understood.
And guess what?
Women were elated!
Honestly this still makes no sense to me.
But at least I know what to do now.
I feel like this should be required learning in highschool. Seems like it would be more helpful than knowing all the elements on the periodic table.
Alright let’s jump to the last thought on my mind this morning…
3. Most of the people you’re attracted to are very similar to your mom or dad
One of the first intensives I did with my coach, Brent, we broke down what my family was like growing up.
Specifically we broke down the certain roles people play in a family.
For example my mom’s role was “the blamer” – which means she’s unable to take responsibility for her own behavior or feelings.
So everything is someone else’s fault…
What’s interesting is that Brent and I went through a bunch of my past relationships, and damn near every woman I dated was a “blamer” just like my mom.
This was eye-opening to me.
And I remember Brent explaining it in very basic terms…
“You’re attracted to what’s familiar” he said.
Basically he said that nobody gets everything they need from their parents.
So we end up seeking out partners that are similar to our parents to try and get what we never got (this is all done unconciously by the way).
This is why almost all of my ex’s are like my mom.
My whole life I was under the impression I was choosing these women on my own free will.
And that I was choosing them because I liked certain things about their personality, or their looks.
But I wasn’t.
I was really choosing them because they were like my mom.
Kind of crazy.
And insane that that’s all going on underneath the surface.
However, it makes sense when you think about it.
Anyways…
I thought that was interesting.
So I wanted to share it with ya…
Hope you got some insight from this.
And whether you have a big Valentine’s day planned…
Or you’re watching Netflix alone…
I hope you have a good day.
– Justin
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