Note: This is part 2 in a series all about the work I’m doing this weekend with my coach on mental and emotional blocks
“I have to make her happy”
This is a thought I’ve had in regards to my mom since I was a little kid.
And it still affects me today (even in my business)
For example…
When I was growing up, everyone in my house bowed down to my mom.
She was the ruler.
And what she says goes.
And like most rulers she ruled with an iron fist.
If things didn’t go her way, she’d boil up into a ball of rage and take it out on us.
That meant beatings…
Emotional abuse…
And more.
So my whole prerogative growing up was to make her happy.
Cause I didn’t want that side of her to come out.
Obviously this is a completely dysfunctional way to live.
It shouldn’t have been my job as a kid to make my mom happy.
But that’s what I had to do in our family in order to “calm the seas”.
Now here’s what’s interesting…
I mentioned yesterday that all of this stuff that goes on in our childhood still affects us today.
Especially in business.
And I carried this “I have to make them happy” mentality for many many years.
I was the your typical “nice guy, people pleaser” in business.
Especially when I was a freelance copywriter 10 years ago.
At that time, everyone else’s happiness came before my own.
I would do extra work for clients for free (not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to upset them)…
I would get out of bed and work at 2 AM if they sent me a panicked email in the middle of the night.
My whole focus was on making them happy.
And I can tell you, doing business like this was a disaster.
Cause I was always at their mercy.
I’d run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to please all my clients.
And it led to me feeling helpless…
And angry…
I had no sense of how to put myself first.
And how to focus on what I wanted.
Everything was about pleasing others.
And that’s no way to live.
Anyways…
Wanted to share this one with you as it’s a block I’ve worked on a lot over the years.
And I’ve made huge strides in it.
I now know how to put myself first…
And how to have good boundaries when it comes to my business.
If you feel like you’re always trying to please everyone.
And you’re at the whims of everyone around you…
Then I hope this was helpful.
Remember to put yourself first.
That’s all I got for today.
Enjoy your Sunday.
– Justin
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