Note: This is part three in a series all about the mental and emotional blocks I’m working on with my coach this weekend
“It wasn’t about you… it was about what’s going on inside of them”
This is a phrase that Brent has said to me multiple times this weekend.
And it’s one I needed to hear.
Cause I have a tendency to blame myself when something goes wrong.
Someone cancels my newsletter? I must have done something wrong.
A girl I’m into stops talking to me? I must have done something wrong.
Someone writes a scathing email to me? I must have done something wrong.
My “autopilot” is to blame myself.
And think it’s my fault.
But most of the time that’s just not true.
People do things for all sorts of reasons.
And hardly any of those reasons have to do with me.
The reality is, this is almost always about them.
It’s about their traumas and triggering…
It’s about the stress in their life…
Hell it can be about stuff in their life that doesn’t make any logical sense (like the guy who recently unsubscribed from my email list because his wife doesn’t want him on the computer so much).
All of that stuff has nothing to do with me.
Yet it’s very easy to blame yourself.
And think that they’re responding to you.
And on the flipside…
Understanding that it’s not about you is ALSO not about blaming others.
Cause that’s not helpful either.
Brent always tells me “it’s about being realistic about what actually happened”.
That’s the key.
You want to get to a place where you can be more realistic about the situation.
And not automatically assume you did something wrong…
So if you suffer from similar thoughts…
And you’re quick to blame yourself…
Just keep in mind, that it’s not usually about you.
It’s about them, and what’s going on inside of them.
Enjoy your Monday
– Justin
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